A number of years ago, I asked members of my Mastermind group** to respond to the following question:

“How do I fool myself by holding a perception that is lesser or greater than reality?”

I posed this question because I know I have blind spots about how others perceive me.

Understanding how I come across – through the eyes of trusted colleagues – helps me avoid fooling myself about my impact.

Here’s the text of the email I sent after that Mastermind group meeting:

Subject: Thanks in advance / How do I fool myself by holding a perception that is lesser or greater than reality?

Hi Everyone,

At our last Mastermind meeting I asked Alan, John and Don to help me out. I asked them to consider this question about me:

“How do I fool myself by holding a perception that is lesser or greater than reality?”

…and to email me their thoughts.

I invite you Peter & Ian to do the same. I asked the guys to be as direct as possible.

The reason I’m seeking this feedback is because I know I have blind spots about how I come across or blind spots about how I am perceived by others.

For example: I may perceive myself as being inspiring, while another person might perceive me as overwhelming.

Knowing more about how others perceive me will help me understand myself better. Then I can take action – if warranted – to adjust how I behave, think, etc.

Be assured: whatever you say, I won’t take it personally. All of your perceptions are valid.

Thanks for considering this and for any feedback you provide.

Cheers,

Michael K

In addition to feedback about my vitality and energy I projected, one person offered a gem I was unaware of. Namely:

That I came across as a bit of a know-it-all.

Since then, I often acknowledge this perception early in my client work. I might say:

“I know I can come across as a know-it-all. I want to assure you I definitely don’t believe I know everything about this topic – though I’m always striving to improve.”

There are formal tools (like 360-degree feedback instruments) designed to give insight into how others see us. But these can be cumbersome, time-consuming, and often fraught.

By contrast, when asked of someone you trust, this “How do I fool myself?” question can provide valuable, actionable feedback –  quickly and directly.

**(A Mastermind group is a group of like-minded people (in my case solo business owners) who meet regularly to help each other in a particular venture or interest. Here is a link to a PDF by Jack Canfield on how to set up and run a Mastermind group).

Own the Conversation

In the next seven days, take a risk:

Send your own adapted “How do I fool myself?” request email to someone you trust.

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P.S.Here’s a prior post of mine, that might interest with advice from jazz great, Theolonius Monk, titled Thelonious Monk and memorable speaking