The secret to projecting power and influence

Here is an important quotation from comedian, actor, writer, producer, and musician, Steve Martin:
“People who are charismatic have a combination of dominance* and warmth**. (Often thought as contradictory things). The dominant part grabs attention; the warmth prevents the dominance from being arrogant. Rather than rule by coercion –

they rule by charm.

When these hard and soft messenger effects are aligned, they are a powerful weapon.”
Now you might be thinking that Martin’s message is well and good, but how do you combine dominance and warmth in how you present yourself and communicate your ideas.
This 16 minute video clip Lean in: Power & Influence by Stanford University professor and social psychologist, Deborah Gruenfeld is Mandatory Viewing, if you want to upgrade your skill in combining dominance* and **warmth.
Here are my key take ways from the clip:
  • You need show up both authoritative and approachable.
  • People are going to decide if you’re competent or not in less that 100 milliseconds, and then it’s over.
  • Showing up authoritatively is play high.” (*Playing high aligns to dominance). Playing high will look like a very open, expansive, relaxed body . . . you assume others will move out of your path… and

you allow your body and gestures to flow into the space of other people.

  • When playing high you hold your head still and speak in complete sentences. You hold eye contact when addressing them.
  • People will defer to you just by how you use your body.
  • Playing high can be really dangerous. It can be dangerous when you play higher that your actual rank.

Playing low is the basis of building rapport.

  • Women are held to dual expectations. That is, to play low and to be authoritative.
  • You can use your own body language to intervene in your own state of mind.

Own the Conversation

Implementation idea
  • Consider and trial how you might combine dominance and warmth/play high and play low, in safe situations.
  • As Gruenfeld suggests… think about how you are standing when you walk into a room; think about how you sit down; think about what you’re doing with your head and your eyes when you speak and listen… and see what happens.
++++
p.s. Nathan Haynes is a top,  Sydney based, professional golf coach. Recently I had a swing problem that was causing me stress. I booked a session with Nathan and he readily diagnosed the problem and gave me an easy to understand fix – and also gave me a great set-up technique. He also allowed me to video record him demonstrating the error I was making, followed by demonstrating the correct technique.
If you’re experiencing problems with your golf game, or just want a tune up, I highly recommend you phone Nathan on 0414 887 300
And let him know I was the introduction source.
(To be clear, I get no referral fee from recommending Nathan).

How slowing down your speech can communicate power and confidence

How do you act with power?

Below ** is one mindset that you can use, to act with power. I have mentioned the mindset in prior posts.

I repeat it again because, my recent reflection of the mindset, and acting in accordance with the mindset – has notched up the impact of how I present myself and communicate my ideas.

I also repeat it, because in our time-poor world, the pressure to speed up your speaking cadence, to be afraid to pause and to not, feel deserving of the time you’re taking when you speak, is relentless.

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Do you HAVE a FEAR of being INTERRUPTED?

‘… when we feel powerful, even our voices spread out and take up more space than they do when we feel powerless. Stanford University psychologists Lucia Guillory and Deborah Gruenfeld refer to this as “a way of claiming social space.” We don’t rush our words. We’re not afraid to pause.

We feel deserving of the time we’re using.

We even make more direct eye contact while we’re speaking. Guillory and Gruenfeld suggest slow speech demonstrates a kind of openness: “When people speak slowly they run the risk of being interrupted by others. In speaking slowly one indicates that he or she has no fear of interruption. People who speak slowly have a high chance of being heard clearly and understood. They also take up the time of those with whom they’re communicating.” * Here are my views on the above vignette: # Overall, I agree with the piece with some caveats (please see below). It aligns with my view that – if you are perceived as rushing, that is junior behaviour. If you are perceived as owning time, that is senior behaviour. # The point of ‘no fear of interruption’ is an important one. That is, a speaker’s strong, internal belief, that he/she should not be interrupted; that his/her view should be heard – will effect the listener and cause the listener to be silent during the speaker’s delivery. # I believe Gruenfeld and Guillory ‘speaking slowly’ recommendation is Not, advising to speak with a monotone cadence. Of course, in robust group discussions people will interrupt you. My advice to clients is that they prepare and do mock practice of their communication delivery, for being interrupted. Here is one way to respond upon being interrupted by a peer. With a firm, even vocal tone, say for example: ‘X, I haven’t finished’/’Let me finish please’ (and then continue to speak your message). This response should be used judiciously with interrupters who are senior to you. However, my field research on using these responses with peer and junior interrupters, indicates this. When the interrupter receives this response, on just one occasion, they’ll be less likely to interrupt you in the future. # It is critical that while speaking slowly, that the speaker’s voice has energy. A dull voice even if slow in delivery will encourage interruption. # Clarity and structure of a message is also crucial if a speaker doesn’t want to be interrupted (*I have misplaced the name of the book that the quote was contained in. If you know the book, please let me know. Thanks)

Own the Conversation

A good way to practice speaking slowing is to use my signature ‘Measuring Cup’ speaking technique. Here is a 2:12 video CLIP of me demonstrating the ‘Measuring Cup’ speaking technique. I suggest you:
  • Watch the CLIP
  • Over the next seven days, on purpose in safe interactions, speak while utilising the Measuring Cup technique
++++ p.s.  The producer of the podcast 10 Lessons it took me 50 years to learn, recently told me this 43:14 minute Episode, All agreements are with yourself, in which I was interviewed by Duff Watkins, is the most downloaded Episode to date. I encourage you to listen to it, if you haven’t already. Thanks (Image by Dickson Donatus from Pixabay)