Why you should seek an honest critic

“I think this is very important, number nine, is to be honest. This is a tactical approach these days. People always say, ‘I love that thing you’ve got where you just say whatever’s on your mind. You just come right out with it. It’s like, you know, the truth.’ It’s like, well, that’s not really a tactic. That’s a way of living. That’s a way of being.” This is just one of the pithy quotes from David Carr’s commencement address to the UC Berkeley School of Journalism in 2014. Carr’s comment reminded me of a quote from the founder of Common Cause, John Gardner:

“Pity the leader caught between unloving critics and uncritical lovers.”

In effect, what we should seek out in our lives are ‘loving critics’. The people who care about our welfare and support us, as well as giving us unvarnished feedback. People pay me to be their loving critic – to give them honest feedback that is couched with sensitivity – about how they present themselves and communicate their ideas; about their self-possession, about their body language, their voice, the structure of their messages, their cadence and how they listen and speak under pressure. Other quotations from Carr’s speech that resonated with me were: “The most interesting thing in the world is something I don’t know.” “If you’re scared and courageous at the same time you’ll probably do great things.” “Don’t be a bystander in your own life.”

Own the Conversation

Implementation idea Over the next seven day seek out a loving critic, or be open to being a loving critic for someone.

Gauging how to give and receive feedback techniques

‘People ask for criticism, but they only want praise’.

Somerset Maugham erfolgreiches team klatscht ab When I work with clients, near the start of a workshop/directing a pitch session, I discuss how to give feedback, by relaying the above quote. After hearing it, many people nod in agreement. Then I share a quote from the Tao Te Ching: ‘When he (the master) makes a mistake, he realizes it. Having realized it, he admits it. Having admitted it, he corrects it. He considers those who point out his faults as his most benevolent teachers. He thinks of his enemy as the shadow that he himself casts.’ This quote is also met with nods. I then suggest, that when giving feedback, participants keep both quotations in mind – while giving slightly more emphasis to the ‘people only want praise’ one. In a similar vein to the above quotes, here is a quote from John Gardner, the late, American public servant.

‘Pity the leader who’s caught between unloving critics and uncritical lovers.’

What’s the point in sharing the above quotes. Simply this. Giving feedback can greatly benefit a person. Keeping the quotes in mind can help a person receive feedback. In addition, pay attention to a person’s readiness to receive feedback for improvement. When in doubt of a person’s readiness to receive feedback for improvement – postpone giving it until another time. If you are a person that welcomes feedback from others  – that is, what you did well and where you can improve – you may need to prod a person, for them to give you unvarnished feedback.  You might say, ‘Yes I know the presentation/my performance was good, but if there was one thing that would have made it better, what would that thing be?’ If you do prod further, they’ll often reveal an area you can work on. Your CALL to action/HOW to apply for this post: Before your next presentation identify a person whom you believe will be open to giving you unvarnished feedback. Direct them to focus on one or two things in your presentation (eg, your opening, clarity of the key message, how you handled Q&A, the certainty projected through your voice and body etc). After the presentation – ask them for private feedback. When they’ve stopped speaking, prod them for more ideas. Check out this post on ‘Over-eager, false listening’

A time efficient method for practicing your presentation

“You presentation coaching guys give lots ideas on how to improve my presentations but no one has given me an efficient, usable practice schedule leading up to the live presentation day.” Advertising Agency MD. Business, field, wealth.

The above comment was made to me, with a tinge of frustration, during a workshop I led last year.

Below is the spaced-repetition practice template I suggested to the MD prior to an upcoming important presentation he had to deliver. Continue reading

Here’s key knowledge to have before giving feedback

In my speech communication and sales presentation consulting work, when I talk about receiving feedback, I relay a Western and an Eastern view. The Western view, from Somerset Maugham is: ‘People ask for criticism, but they only want praise’. The Eastern view, attributed to Lao Tzu and the Tao Te Ching is: ‘When the master makes a mistake she realises it, having realised it she admits it, having admitted it she corrects it . . . she considers those who point out her faults as her most benevolent teachers. . . she considers her enemy, as the shadow that she herself cast.’Continue reading