Understannding your voice and how’s its produced & perceived

September marks the start of spring in Australia. It’s a time when flowers bud. In botany, a bud is an undeveloped or embryonic shoot. Once formed, a bud may remain for some time in a dormant condition, or it may form a shoot immediately. Buds may be specialised to develop flowers or short shoots, or may have the potential for general shoot development. This month’s focus, aligned to the theme of budding, will be on: Your budding voice. It will be on viewing your voice as an undeveloped (not bad or ugly) shoot, that has remained dormant, but has the potential for development. On viewing your voice as something – that with care, nurturing and practice – can be specialised or have the potential for development. Why this theme? Because many of you don’t like the sound of your voice, when you hear it in its recorded form. My goal for you, for the end of this month, is that you have more understanding of your voice, and like your voice more. This understanding and liking will underpin future development of your voice. One reason you might dislike your recorded voice is because, in comparison to the rich voice you hear while speaking, the recorded version can sound foreign – not reflective of the person you hear speaking every day.

To warm you up for the month . . .

Here is a post that describes why your voice sounds differently on an audio recording. Consider the following information on voice production and voice perception:
  • Researcher John Ohala studied the vocal pitch of humans and other mammals and found that a high pitch signified that the mammal was either frightened, uncertain, small, or infantile. With electronic lowering of pitch there was increase in the perception of dominance.  A high pitch was correlated with politeness but also subordination.
  • A breathy voice may convey uncertainty and effeminacy.
  • A monotone voice has been correlated with depression.
  • You can change other people’s perception of your chronological age by manipulating resonance, pitch and speaking speed. Speak more slowly, with a lower pitch to be perceived as older than your chronological age.                                       Speak faster, with a higher pitch, to be perceived as younger than your chronological age.
  • If you occupy more space with your body and with your gestures, it will be easier to produce a louder voice.
  • If you constrain your body language and gestures, it will easier to produce a softer voice.
  • Most people have vocal biases. A vocal bias is a prejudice to certain types of voices that one doesn’t like in other people.  Due to a particular bias, a person may limit that vocal feature in their own speaking.  Common vocal biases include dislike of fast or slow speaking, or of a high or low vocal pitch, or loud or soft speaking.  For example, if a person doesn’t like who speak loudly, due to this bias he/she may never raise their voice, even when it is appropriate to do so.
Consider the following quotes about voice and speaking
  • ‘A man’s style is in his voice. Wooden minds, wooden voices.’ Ralph Waldo Emerson
  • ‘Speak clearly, if you speak it all. Carve every word; before you let it fall’. Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr.
  • ‘Speak your mind, even if your voice shakes.’ Maggie Smith
  • ‘The human voice is the most perfect instrument of all.’ Arvo Part
  • ‘Sing. sing a song. . .  Make it simple to last your whole life long Don’t worry that it’s not good enough for anyone else to hear Just sing, sing a song.’ Joe Rapso

Own the Conversation

Some of you will find this task uncomfortable or embarrassing. Do it anyway. Some will find it easy. In the next seven days, in your car when you’re driving alone. Or in some other place when no one can hear you. Sing some bars of a song you like, or the bars of the above Rapso song. (if you don’t know the rhythm of the song here’s Karen Carpenter’s version of it). If you’re in a car and you don’t want anyone to see you singing, don’t worry. Most drivers (and people) are self-absorbed. If they see you singing, they’ll think you’re talking on your hands-free phone. If you’re reluctant to do this singing, discount its importance. Say this aloud. ‘It’s no big deal . . . I’m experimenting and getting to know my voice a little bit better’.
p.s. Check out this post on How to shake hands # You might want to trial my Confident Personal Communication video learning programme because it will give you practical techniques to ‘Own the Conversation’

Easy ways to practice for informal encounters with senior execs

The interactions I have most trouble with are the informal ones, particularly with senior execs. You know, the times before a meeting starts, or after it has ended, or at a networking event, or in a lift.  Recently a younger client of mine shared the above challenge. The reason why informal interactions can be challenging is because they’re unpredictable. You can’t prepare for them in the same way as preparing for a presentation. One idea I shared with the client, was that she needed to practice handling informal interactions (at first, non-A class ones) as a dancer would practice dance steps with a partner. That is,

she needed to practice and ‘encode’ the turn-taking rhythm

and coordination of her communication (spoken words paired with body movement) with the other person’s communication. So, how does one get this handling informal interaction, practice? One of the techniques I suggested was to step outside her comfort zone and practice handling interactions in environments that already occur on a regular basis. One of these environments is potential chance interactions in lifts. (elevators, for my North American readers). Here is a schema for taking advantage of potential lift interactions: #1 Prime your mind to identify opportunities where just you, and one other person are in the lift. Your internal mantra might be, ‘Notice one-on-one lift opportunities’. #2 When the opportunity arises, first read the person and the situation. That is, observe person’s behaviour. If they’ve got their head buried in their phone, or if they’re just ascending or descending just one or two levels, resist interacting. However, if they seem to be open to interacting (with practice you’ll get a handle on this), and seem ‘unoccupied’, go to step #3. #3 Ask the person one of these questions:
  • At the start of the day, ‘How’s the day started?’
  • In the middle of the day, ‘How’s the day going?’
  • At the end of the day, ‘How’s the day been?’
#4 Listen (Don’t Be Anywhere Else) to the person’s response. Pause, and as appropriate, make a comment based on what they’ve said. Sure, some people may be unresponsive or startled. That’s the risk. But the pay-off for you is that you’ve practiced your informal interaction rhythm and you’ve shown in interest in another human being. If you find the above task daunting, another suggestion is to become aware of people you regularly see in your office building/lifts – but have never spoken to. In a lift on in the lobby of your building, you might say something along the following lines: ‘Hi, I’ve seen you now and again in this lift/building, is your office here?’

Own the Conversation

In the next seven days, complete the above schema. Every day aim to make a comment to one ‘stranger’. Reflect on what you’ve learnt.
p.s. Check out this post on How to make a strong physical connection when delivering a presentation.

How to prepare to give bad news about a job interview

‘I had to tell an internal candidate that they didn’t get the job . . . that it went to an external candidate’. Recently a client of mine told me about a situation where he had to tell a direct report that he didn’t get the job he had interviewed for. He found this situation a difficult one to handle. Here are suggestions for handling this situation. Before meeting with the person – go to the room where you’ll deliver the message. Sit in the chair where the person will sit. Take some time to imagine that it was you, who was receiving the message. Reflect, on how you, would want to receive the message. How you, would want to be told? What kind of the body posture, facial expression, voice tone would you want the other person to use? What words would you like to hear? Speak the following message aloud,

‘Everyone is fighting a battle I know nothing about’.

By sitting in the other person’s chair, doing the emotional reflection and speaking the above message – you’ll communicate in a manner that will help the person better receive the message. In addition consider this quotation by Michael Coates. ‘The best way to be highly influential is to be human to everyone you meet.’ 

Own the Conversation

Consider a difficult message that you’ll potentially need to deliver in the next 30 days. Slot the link to this post in your calendar on the approximate time of delivery. Carry out the above suggestions prior to delivering the message. Reflect on the impact of using the suggestions.
p.s Check out this post on How to handle reception desk interactions. #You might want to trial my Confident Personal Communication video learning programme because it will give you practical techniques to ‘Own the Conversation’.

Video of Kevin Spacey – what audiences want to see

‘Do you have a heart?’ This is a memorable line spoken by Kevin Spacey during his interview with Charlie Rose. Below is the link to the clip (see ‘Here is the CLIP’)  of the 34:39 minute interview. There are several sections of the clip that resonated with me.
  • Overall, just as Spacey owns scenes in his acting, he owns this conversation with Rose. He’s playful, witty, solid, unrushed, passionate, flippant – readily accessing ideas and conveying them through sparkling eyes, vitality and swagger in his face, body language and gesturing.
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Your speaking less so make it count when you do

Consider this . . .  In today’s social media world, with people always having their smart device at the ready. Where you can easily communicate with someone by showing or sharing a photo or a video clip, or by sending them a text message. Where perishable pictures do the talking – why do you need to speak well – or speak at all? Let me share my views on this matter and on learning.Continue reading

Power and preparation steps before your ask for a raise

Power is never given. Power is taken.

People who are “ready” give off a different vibe than people who aren’t. Animals can smell fear; maybe that’s it.
The minute you become ready is the the minute you stop dreaming. Suddenly it’s no longer about “becoming”. Suddenly it’s about “doing”. You don’t get the dream job because you walk into the editor’s office for the first time and go, “Hi, I would really love to be a sports writer one day, please.”Continue reading