Easy ways to practice for informal encounters with senior execs

The interactions I have most trouble with are the informal ones, particularly with senior execs. You know, the times before a meeting starts, or after it has ended, or at a networking event, or in a lift.  Recently a younger client of mine shared the above challenge. The reason why informal interactions can be challenging is because they’re unpredictable. You can’t prepare for them in the same way as preparing for a presentation. One idea I shared with the client, was that she needed to practice handling informal interactions (at first, non-A class ones) as a dancer would practice dance steps with a partner. That is,

she needed to practice and ‘encode’ the turn-taking rhythm

and coordination of her communication (spoken words paired with body movement) with the other person’s communication. So, how does one get this handling informal interaction, practice? One of the techniques I suggested was to step outside her comfort zone and practice handling interactions in environments that already occur on a regular basis. One of these environments is potential chance interactions in lifts. (elevators, for my North American readers). Here is a schema for taking advantage of potential lift interactions: #1 Prime your mind to identify opportunities where just you, and one other person are in the lift. Your internal mantra might be, ‘Notice one-on-one lift opportunities’. #2 When the opportunity arises, first read the person and the situation. That is, observe person’s behaviour. If they’ve got their head buried in their phone, or if they’re just ascending or descending just one or two levels, resist interacting. However, if they seem to be open to interacting (with practice you’ll get a handle on this), and seem ‘unoccupied’, go to step #3. #3 Ask the person one of these questions:
  • At the start of the day, ‘How’s the day started?’
  • In the middle of the day, ‘How’s the day going?’
  • At the end of the day, ‘How’s the day been?’
#4 Listen (Don’t Be Anywhere Else) to the person’s response. Pause, and as appropriate, make a comment based on what they’ve said. Sure, some people may be unresponsive or startled. That’s the risk. But the pay-off for you is that you’ve practiced your informal interaction rhythm and you’ve shown in interest in another human being. If you find the above task daunting, another suggestion is to become aware of people you regularly see in your office building/lifts – but have never spoken to. In a lift on in the lobby of your building, you might say something along the following lines: ‘Hi, I’ve seen you now and again in this lift/building, is your office here?’

Own the Conversation

In the next seven days, complete the above schema. Every day aim to make a comment to one ‘stranger’. Reflect on what you’ve learnt.
p.s. Check out this post on How to make a strong physical connection when delivering a presentation.

How to prepare to give bad news about a job interview

‘I had to tell an internal candidate that they didn’t get the job . . . that it went to an external candidate’. Recently a client of mine told me about a situation where he had to tell a direct report that he didn’t get the job he had interviewed for. He found this situation a difficult one to handle. Here are suggestions for handling this situation. Before meeting with the person – go to the room where you’ll deliver the message. Sit in the chair where the person will sit. Take some time to imagine that it was you, who was receiving the message. Reflect, on how you, would want to receive the message. How you, would want to be told? What kind of the body posture, facial expression, voice tone would you want the other person to use? What words would you like to hear? Speak the following message aloud,

‘Everyone is fighting a battle I know nothing about’.

By sitting in the other person’s chair, doing the emotional reflection and speaking the above message – you’ll communicate in a manner that will help the person better receive the message. In addition consider this quotation by Michael Coates. ‘The best way to be highly influential is to be human to everyone you meet.’ 

Own the Conversation

Consider a difficult message that you’ll potentially need to deliver in the next 30 days. Slot the link to this post in your calendar on the approximate time of delivery. Carry out the above suggestions prior to delivering the message. Reflect on the impact of using the suggestions.
p.s Check out this post on How to handle reception desk interactions. #You might want to trial my Confident Personal Communication video learning programme because it will give you practical techniques to ‘Own the Conversation’.

Video of Kevin Spacey – what audiences want to see

‘Do you have a heart?’ This is a memorable line spoken by Kevin Spacey during his interview with Charlie Rose. Below is the link to the clip (see ‘Here is the CLIP’)  of the 34:39 minute interview. There are several sections of the clip that resonated with me.
  • Overall, just as Spacey owns scenes in his acting, he owns this conversation with Rose. He’s playful, witty, solid, unrushed, passionate, flippant – readily accessing ideas and conveying them through sparkling eyes, vitality and swagger in his face, body language and gesturing.
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Your speaking less so make it count when you do

Consider this . . .  In today’s social media world, with people always having their smart device at the ready. Where you can easily communicate with someone by showing or sharing a photo or a video clip, or by sending them a text message. Where perishable pictures do the talking – why do you need to speak well – or speak at all? Let me share my views on this matter and on learning.Continue reading