In this 41:26 minute episode from the podcast Clear + Vivid – John and Julie Gottman: Welcome to the Love Lab hosted by Alan Alda, I learned the first question and a follow- up question to ask a person you don’t know or don’t know that well – after you’ve discovered their field of endeavour or job role.

You can use these deceptively powerful questions, when for example, you’re seated next to a person at a dinner party, or at pre-dinner drinks event or at a networking function et al.

Julie Gottman shared the below questions, describing an encounter she had with a lawyer she was seated next to at a dinner party. Listen to the 32:19 > 33:50 minute section of the podcast to hear Gottman relay the encounter.

Here are the questions:

“What drew you to becoming a lawyer*?

“What about that specific field of law* you’re in – what do you love about that?”

I have field tested these questions and they have worked exceptionally well. The first person with whom I used the questions talked for 15:00 plus minutes.

*Obviously you’d insert the person’s respective job role here.

Own the Conversation

Implementation suggestion:

1. Within the next seven days trial the questions in an interaction.
2. Reflect on the value of asking the questions.
3. If you see value in the questions store them for retrieval in your tool kit of communication techniques.